So this whole Allowing.Love Adventure started for me when I was doing my 3rd advanced year of a Masters in Spiritual Psychology – Consciousness, Health and Healing. We were asked to choose a health challenge to address and heal over the year-long program. And because I didn’t have any significant health challenges, I became aware that how stressed, exhausted and tired I felt at the end of each day was the health challenge that I wanted to heal.
At this point I had been studying spirituality actively for over 15 years, and was very familiar with the idea of Grace – of clear spiritual energy that is available to us as spiritual beings.
While I did have a very ‘spiritual’ life you could say – I lived in an Ashram closely connected with people focused on expanding in greater spiritual awareness, I worked for my spiritual teacher as my day job, I meditated every day.
But despite having a seemingly spiritual life… I often felt stressed, empty and simply exhausted – which was evidence to me that I was living off my ego energy, more than my spiritual energy.
So I asked my Professors Ron and Mary Hulnick in class one day, if this energy of Grace does truly exist, how can I live it?
How can I not live through ego, and live fueled by the energy of Spirit?
They shared that for the most part, that’s an experience we all have to uniquely awaken to… that as humans we’re not designed to be able to do this completely or perfectly... and Mary said she had the sense that my answer would be found in ‘service’.
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That pissed me off more than you can imagine. Service?! My whole life was freakin’ service. I lived in an Ashram where we did hours of service every week. I spent my whole life devoted to serving my spiritual teacher which meant long hours and being on call 24-7. I was the poster child for service.
And yet some small part within me knew that there was something to what Mary was suggesting. It was later that day that it hit me. I need to start serving myself. I need to start serving the Love, the gifts, the unique expression of the Spirit within me.
This prompted a new daily practice, where I spent some time every morning dialoguing with how to serve mySelf – how to serve the Spirit in me.
And what came out of the many months of dialoguing with Spirit within – were the 5 steps of allowing love.
First I began to be aware that what my Spirit wanted for me more than anything was a relationship. And so after years of avoiding, denying and fearing a relationship, I began to start to imagine, to feel and to manifest a relationship.
I got together with Eric shortly after this and because this was such a transformational experience for me – I kept playing with these 5 steps.
The next experience I began to be aware of – was that I wasn’t happy in my work anymore – and that I wanted to have greater freedom – and I wanted to share more of my own voice.
And so I brought this intention to my morning practice. I asked for maybe 6 months - what do I want more than anything? And is this for my highest good? God is this really what you’re asking me to do?
And coaching came in loud and clear. At first I judged it. I judged coaching as a profession and so I really resisted it for months.
But as I continued to let go and receive this inner guidance, I began to trust it.