The Gift of Self-Care & Self-Compassion

One of the biggest obstacles we face in processing our grief is prioritizing ourselves. This challenge is common for everyone, but I have found it can be particularly difficult for women. We have been conditioned to put others first and sacrifice our own needs, feelings, and wants for the sake of those around us.

Many of us did not learn effective practices of self-care and self-compassion because our parents may not have modeled them. It is now up to us to change this cycle. We must learn to fill ourselves up, become aware of our feelings and needs, and prioritize taking care of both so that we can show up as whole, happy, and healthy individuals capable of serving and caring for others in our lives.

Research shows that if we do not take care of our own needs and feelings—if we attempt to care for others while we are depleted—feelings of resentment are inevitable. Therefore, consider your grief a profound invitation to develop the habits and skills necessary to prioritize and attend to your feelings and needs, so that you can take much better care of your world.

This guide is simple. It involves defining and creating a space where you can feel, heal, and grieve, as well as finding a book that will serve as your "blue healer." This step-by-step guide will support you in creating a sacred sanctuary where you feel safe to fall apart, providing you with enough touch points of love, connection, and nurturing to support you. It will also inspire you to select a special book that will act as your blue healing book.

The Power of a Sacred Space

Creating a sacred space specifically designed for self-care fosters a sense of safety and security, enabling you to express emotions without fear of judgment. Of course this includes the practical aspect of allowing yourself to have the privacy you need to be alone, and not be in view of others in your home. But there are other powerful reasons to spend a little time creating a sacred space for your healing and grieving moments.

Humans are creatures of habit, and so just being in our sacred space can support us. For instance, putting on our gym clothes can serve as a small yet significant step toward actually going to the gym. Similarly, creating a nurturing environment for ourselves allows us to reconnect with our feelings and process our grief in a supportive way. This simple act of preparing our space can help us ease into deeper emotional work.

Why We Need to Write Down Our Feelings Sometimes

Writing about feelings and grief can be incredibly beneficial as it allows individuals to express emotions that may be challenging to verbalize, providing a safe space to explore and articulate feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion. Writing can also help you clarify your experience and emotions, enabling a deeper understanding and sense of compassion for yourself.

And, as we’ll get into in later chapters, you will need to write particular experiences to and from your loved one.

Experience 1 • Creating a Safe Sacred Space and Getting Your Healing Book

In this experience, you’ll turn a notebook into your personal “Healing Book” or “Blue Healer,” a place where you can express, heal, and transform.

You’ll also create your own Safe Sacred Space—a quiet, cozy spot that feels right for you. It could be a comfy chair or a little corner with things that bring you comfort.

Take your time to create a sanctuary in your home, and in your heart.

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Estimated Time Required:

This might take some of you 5 minutes, and others 5 days.

You Will Need:

A notepad and pen or pencil. Full details below.
A curious creative mind for transforming part of your home into your healing zone. </aside>

The first step is to get a blank book for you to write in. It can have blank, lined or grid paper, or a bullet journal will work. It just needs to be solely for your feeling, grieving and healing moments. It does NOT need to be just for when you grieve a particular loved one. It will be your Healing Book. And so I encourage you to use it for any moment when you want to feel, heal and reveal. For years I called my healing book my blue book, because it was blue, and because I would pick it up whenever I felt blue. But of course now I call my healing book: My Blue Healer. And so you can also call your healing book: your Blue Healer, or you can give it a name that is unique and special to you!
Next, get a pen, pencil or writing instrument. I love the feeling of mechanical pencils, and I love using 2B lead. It’s all personal preference, but get the writing instrument that helps you write easily and freely. And that works well in your healing book.
Read the following prompts, and take notes in your book as you go!
1. Privacy first. A space in your home where you have as much privacy as possible, should be prioritized. For example maybe you have a chair you love in the living room, but other people often walk through that space. The most important need for your sacred space is privacy. Give yourself the gift to connect just with yourself for this experience, free of other people being able to hear or see you.
2. Comfortable seating: A cozy chair or cushions where you can sit comfortably. If you don’t have a particular chair in the room that’s most private, you can make a really comfy seating area often with cushions on the floor and against the wall, making a very comfy little couch.
3. Soft Lighting: Make sure you have at least enough light to be able to write. For example I have had clients that have made their sacred space in a walk in closet, so make sure you have enough light either with a lamp or similar.
4. Sacred Touch Points: This is purely personal preference, but you might want to have special photos, mementos, crystals, prayer beads, or objects that remind you of either your loved ones, or your devotional practice in your space. Ensure that whatever you include helps you connect to your loving nature, and to what’s most important for you.
5. Nature Elements: Plants, stones, or flowers can bring a sense of peace and presence. Trust yourself and what connects you to your peace and presence.
6. Sound & Scent: For the beginning of your grieving practice, I encourage you to start without sound and scent, because both sounds and smells can invoke particular emotional reactions that may distract you from inner experiences trying to come up. Sometimes the very subtle inner emotions of our grief are waiting for the space, stillness and silence needed to be seen and heard, so at least at the beginning of your practice, start without sound and scent, and then as you’re inwardly guided, trust yourself as you incorporate any soft music, nature sounds or chimes. Same goes for incorporating essential oils, incense, or candles with soothing scents like lavender or chamomile.
7. Lighting a Candle: Lighting a candle is incredibly helpful for your sacred practice, however I recommend a scent-free candle because of the explanation above. Of course however be incredibly careful with a naked flame. Keep in mind that when irrational feelings come up, irrational actions might come up too, so don’t leave a naked flame anywhere it would be easy to knock it over. A flame, like nature, is a powerful connection and invitation to peace and presence, so if you can light a candle safely, I would highly encourage you including it.
8. Blankets or Throws: Soft textiles can provide warmth and comfort during vulnerable moments.
9. Journaling Materials: Have notebooks, pens, or art supplies available for expressing thoughts and emotions creatively.
10. Spiritual Items: If it resonates with you, consider including items such as crystals, prayer beads, or symbols that reflect your beliefs.
11. Blankets, Throws and Teddy Bears or Plushies: Soft textiles can provide warmth and comfort during vulnerable moments. A large part of concious and compassionate grieving is allowing our inner children to be felt and loved. So having a blanket or a favorite plushie can be a wonderfully nurturing experience for those moments when you’re feeling most vulnerable and tender.
12. Timepiece: A clock can be helpful to have in your space, so that you don’t have to have your phone with you, and so that you don’t get up to check the time.
Take your notes and create your space! And remember it’s ok to take your time! So you might want to keep reading this book and dive into the following guides before you have created your space. Trust yourself and do everything in your own timing and as YOUR heart guides you.

We all deserve to be Heard, Seen and Loved. Your Sacred Space and Your Healing Book are powerful partners in you learning how to hear, see and love you.

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Amazing ❤️‍🔥 That’s Week 1 Complete 🏆 🎉 😁 🙌

[NEXT] Review the Week 2 [Reading] Why the World Avoids Grief—And Why Embracing It Is Key to Our Well-Being

[BACK] Return to Week 1 [Reading] Grief Invites Us into Our Greatness

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WATCH Week 1 Recording It was beautiful, inspiring and touching.

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The Gift of Self-Care & Self-Compassion

The Power of a Sacred Space

Why We Need to Write Down Our Feelings Sometimes

Experience 1 • Creating a Safe Sacred Space and Getting Your Healing Book

My Blue Healing Space