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I wish there were words to take away the pain, fear, heartache, and confusion that come when we ‘lose’ someone we love. I wish there were a simple way to ease the ache while still allowing us to embrace the profound gifts that come with grieving, honoring, and reconnecting with those who have passed into Spirit—or, as some say, “over the Rainbow Bridge.”
But there are no perfect words, no magic fix to ‘make it better.’
So, from both Ellie and me, we just want to say: We Love You. Truly. We’re grateful that you’ve chosen to embark on this deeply rewarding journey, and we’re here to support you however we can.
We also want to thank everyone who followed Ellie’s story online. You were with us from the moment I rescued her from the shelter, through our visits to different rehabs, and when we faced the heartbreaking news about her rapidly progressing brain disease. Your love, support, and encouragement meant the world—not just to us, but to this book coming to life. Thank you.
And It’s Our Greatest Gift.
Losing someone you love more than anything—it doesn’t get darker or harder than that. At least, not for me.
I’m writing this book because grieving my mum’s death has been both my greatest challenge and my greatest teacher. It has shaped me in ways I never could have imagined, unlocking gifts I didn’t even know I had.
Nothing else in life has stretched me, taught me, or brought me closer to true beauty and joy the way grief has. It’s shown me how to create deep, authentic connections with others. It’s awakened my inner wisdom. And it’s given me the courage and confidence to trust my intuition and build a life I truly love.
Losing my mum at 14 was devastating. It sent my life into a downward spiral of addiction and dysfunction. For two decades, I avoided facing my grief—fearing it, numbing it, running from it.
But when I finally allowed myself to grieve—consciously and compassionately—everything changed. My entire perspective on life shifted, and in time, my life itself transformed.
Within just a few months, I healed from a physical illness and broke free from multiple addictions.
I went from choosing toxic relationships to meeting my person—and marrying him a year later.
And over the years, I stopped living to please others and started discovering my own voice, launching my own business, and creating a life that feels true to me.
Grief, when faced with openness and love, has been one of my greatest teachers. As painful as it is, it has also been one of the most precious gifts of my life.
And Losing an Animal Awakens Unique, Compassionate Gifts.
Grieving a loved one—whether human or animal—can feel devastating, even world-shattering. In this book, we’ll talk about loss in a broad sense, because in my experience, it doesn’t matter what kind of body our loved one had. The pain is real, and so is the opportunity for transformation. My hope is that this book will support and inspire you as you navigate this grief, helping you recognize it as the profound, life-shaping journey that it is.
I’ll also share my personal experiences and insights about the deep, unique bonds we form with animals—and how to cope with the loss of our animal soulmates. I believe our connection with the animal kingdom is sacred. Animals are not here just for us to own, use, or control. They are sentient beings who help us awaken to our true nature of unconditional love.
Because animals are so pure, so innocent, losing them can feel like losing a part of yourself—the best part. It can seem as though the source of your joy and connection has disappeared. While grief is grief, losing an animal carries its own unique experiences and emotions, and we’ll explore those throughout this book.
Dogs, for example, are natural healers, therapists, and life coaches. Every animal carries its own gifts, helping us grow beyond our limitations.
When we connect with animals compassionately, it deepens our self-compassion. And self-compassion, as neuroscience and research continue to show, is essential for living a healthy, fulfilling, and joyful life. We’ll dive into this science and why it matters now more than ever.
I also never expected that grieving a dog I had for only two months could shake me so deeply—or heal parts of my childhood so profoundly. But it did. And throughout this book, we’ll explore how animals can come into our lives not just to love us, but to help us heal in ways we never imagined.
This book is about embracing the deep pain of losing a loved one—and learning to love ourselves through it. It’s not just about getting through grief; it’s about recognizing it as an opportunity. A gift. One that teaches us to live more vulnerably, more authentically, and with deeper meaning. Grief, in its own mystical and unexpected way, can guide us toward the life we are meant to live.
Our first real experience with grief changes us. It shifts how we see life, how we understand our emotions, and how we navigate challenges. If we allow it, grief can teach us to be present like nothing else can. It can also bring us closer to the kind of relationships we long for—ones built on compassion, honesty, and real connection.
Through my own journey and the stories of many clients, I’ve seen that when we have the courage to truly feel our emotions—rather than avoid or suppress them—we awaken to what we truly need. We begin to see the path toward our own joy, fulfillment, and healing.
This isn’t something I’ve read in any other book. But my own experience with grief—how it strengthened my intuition, revealed new paths, and transformed my life—feels like something too important not to share. Grief is not here to stop us. Yes, it’s painful and overwhelming. But it also holds the key to unlocking our deepest truths, our most authentic selves, and the life we are meant to live.
In this book, I’ll share my personal stories of grief—losing my mum at 14, and losing Ellie, the Blue Heeler cattle dog I cared for just two months before making the heartbreaking choice to humanely euthanize her on September 3, 2024. Through these experiences, I’ve uncovered incredible gifts within myself and witnessed the courage and compassion that grief awakens in the human spirit.
And while this journey is anything but easy, it is simple. It is straightforward. And I’m here to walk with you through it, step by step, with 17 guided experiences.
If you’re already familiar with emotional healing, I encourage you to trust yourself and dive in. But if this is your first time consciously facing emotional pain, reconnecting with your past, or learning how to self-heal, I encourage you to seek support—whether from a trusted loved one, a professional, or one of the many free 24/7 helplines where you can talk to someone, anytime, anywhere in the world. I’ll share more about that soon.
This isn’t an overnight process. It’s a lifelong journey. There is no finish line—but there are always deeper levels of healing, richer experiences of love, and greater moments of joy ahead if we’re willing to continue feeling and healing.
The world is not infinite, but Love is. And no matter how many times you’ve grieved and healed, there will always be more room to expand into love, into joy, and into the fullness of life—through the power of conscious and compassionate grieving.
And yes, as we grow in self-love and awareness, the road does get easier. And the weight of grief? It becomes lighter and lighter.
In this book, I’ll share my personal journey through grief—losing my rainbow daughter, Ellie, and my mum. I’ll also share the story of my life with Fenix, my 6-year-old husky, who not only led me to Ellie but continues to be the light that fuels my every day.
Fenix is my son. My sun.
He’s my child and the center of my world.
We adopted him in October 2018, knowing he had cerebellar hypoplasia—a neurological disorder that affects coordination and balance. We knew he’d need special care, but we had no idea just how much he would teach us in return. His story has touched millions of people worldwide, and if you’ve seen a husky prancing across your Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok feed—you’ve probably seen Fenix.
Fenix was rescued from the Carson Animal Shelter by the nonprofit "I Stand With My Pack." He and his sister, Nube, were abandoned there at just two months old. Their rough start in life was clear—being born with cerebellar hypoplasia meant their mother likely suffered trauma or malnutrition during pregnancy.
When they arrived at the shelter, they were weak, underweight, and unable to stand. Worse, shelter staff feared they had distemper or parvo. Without intervention, they were set to be euthanized. But just in time, "I Stand With My Pack" stepped in, rescuing them both.
Thanks to thousands of dollars in donations and tireless care from their veterinary team and volunteers, Fenix survived. A month later, I had the incredible privilege of bringing him home.
Fenix’s growing online family has created so many opportunities to give back. At the time of writing this, wildfires are tearing through Altadena and the Palisades, and Fenix is raising money for the Pasadena Humane Society. We support countless rescues, but we always make sure to give back to the one that saved his life—"I Stand With My Pack."
In June 2024, a rescue in Santa Paula reached out to me. They had a neurologically disabled blue heeler puppy in need of a home—a puppy with the same condition as Fenix. They asked if I could help share her story.
I wasn’t planning on adopting another dog.
But when I took Fenix to the Santa Paula Animal Rescue Center (SPARC) to film a video about the little blue heeler named Ellie, I couldn’t walk away.
Ellie had been dumped in a box at a gas station at just eight weeks old. By the time I met her, she had spent over two months in the rescue. She was frail, covered in sores, and unable to stand or walk without falling. A shelter wasn’t the right place for her. She needed love, care, and a safe home.
The moment I saw her, I knew.
It felt just like the first time I met Fenix—tears welled in my eyes because something deep inside me just knew she was meant to be ours.
Bringing Ellie home made no logical sense. My life was already overwhelming—I had family visiting for months, and I was stretched too thin. Taking on another special-needs animal, especially one with such a severe neurological condition, seemed impossible.
But my intuition told me otherwise.
The healing work I’ve done through my own grief shaped that intuition. If I hadn’t worked through my relationship with my Mum, I wouldn’t have the clarity and courage I have today. That deep inner knowing guided me to choose love, even when it felt impossible. I can’t explain it or prove it, but I trust it. And while following this voice isn’t always easy, I know it leads to miracles and magic.
Everyone told me not to bring Ellie home. Everyone.
And the story I’m about to share isn’t an easy one. But it’s been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life—one I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Caring for Ellie pushed me to my limits—emotionally, mentally, and physically. Every day, I helped her learn to walk, fed her, held her for bathroom breaks, and played with her. Even something as small as holding a teething toy was a challenge for her, so I’d lay beside her, gently helping her keep it in her mouth as she chewed through the pain.
Sometimes, when we’re called to do the impossible, we discover superhuman reserves of love and courage. Ellie broke me open into a devotion I had never known before.
I knew this journey would be hard. But I never imagined how much it would ask of me—or how much it would give in return.
This may sound dramatic, but avoiding our grief can close us off from love and life. If we refuse to feel the pain or accept the support we need, we may cope—but parts of our hearts will slowly shut down. Reference: Suppressing Emotion Closes our Heart and Ability to Connect
When my mum died, I didn’t know how to process the pain. Without the love and support I needed, I unknowingly began closing off parts of my heart. For the next two decades, I numbed myself with an eating disorder, workaholism, and relationships with men who didn’t truly love me.
I used food and bulimia to fill the intimacy I craved. I sought love and validation through work and achievement. And I kept my heart protected—choosing men who would never fully choose me back.
It sounds cliché, but just a couple of years after finally deciding to grieve my mum’s death at 33, everything changed. I found love, built my career, and discovered a deep sense of emotional freedom and fulfillment.
My greatest wish is that this book helps you make the choice to keep your heart open. Yes, it will break. Grieving is, in many ways, the visceral breaking open of the heart. But not breaking in a way that leaves you ruined—breaking in a way that expands you, making space for more love than you can imagine.
The 17 experiences in this book are here to hold your hand, guiding you through grief so your heart can open wider—to more love, life, joy, and beauty.
And yes, this path isn’t for the faint of heart. But I believe that if you have ever fallen deeply in love with an animal, then you are not faint of heart. You have a huge, compassionate heart—one that feels deeply, especially for the helpless and innocent.
If you’re here, reading this, I have no doubt you have what it takes to turn your grieving journey into something meaningful—your own miracles and magic. And I am here to support you in any way I can.
Email me anytime at [email protected].
I hope this book serves as a guide to support you on your journey. But please, don’t go through this alone.
Share your thoughts and experiences with someone you trust. If you don’t have a friend or family member to turn to, or if professional support isn’t an option for you, consider reaching out to a free helpline—there are people ready to listen.
Seeking help during difficult times is important. And finding a community that understands what you’re going through can make all the difference.
Dr. Zoë and Allowing.Love™ offer support options to help you feel less alone.*****
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The choice to grieve never expires. This crossroads in your life—this opportunity to grieve with intention and kindness—will always be there. It’s never too late to honor your grief, reconnect with your loved ones, and open your heart to deeper connections with yourself and others.
In fact, I believe the timing of your grief will always be perfect for you. Even when it’s hard to understand why we take certain detours or delays, those moments have always held purpose in my life.
There is no rush. No urgency to unpack your grief before you’re ready.
But your heart will keep nudging you. Emotional pain is its way of calling you back—to connect, to heal, to listen.
So you can let go of the pressure. Trust that your heart will guide you, just as mine guided me.
And these 17 experiences will support you, helping you build the sacred muscles of your heart so it can continue to grow and expand.
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