Allowing Self-Compassion for Our Own Suffering

Building self-compassion takes time and patience. Unlike physical muscles, which have limits, our capacity for self-compassion has no bounds—it can keep growing infinitely.

Healing is never a straight path, and it isn’t a rigid formula. But breaking it down simply can help us understand and experience it more fully:

Healing = Fully feeling our pain + Receiving loving compassion.

Losing someone we love creates sudden trauma in the brain, triggering a fight-or-flight response. But when we allow ourselves to fully feel that pain while also offering love, support, and compassion, our neural pathways gradually shift from survival mode back to balance and well-being.

Embodying Compassion is the Healthiest Thing We Can Do For Ourselves

Monks who meditate on compassion experience profound mental, emotional, and even physical benefits, many of which have been studied by neuroscientists and psychologists. Some key benefits include: Reference: Compassion Heals

Neurological Benefits:

Increased Activity in the Prefrontal Cortex: Compassion meditation strengthens the areas of the brain associated with emotional regulation, decision-making, and positive emotions.
Enhanced Neural Connectivity: Studies, including research by Dr. Richard Davidson, show that compassion meditation increases connectivity in brain regions linked to empathy and emotional resilience.
Reduced Amygdala Activity: The amygdala, responsible for fear and stress responses, becomes less reactive, leading to greater emotional stability.

Emotional & Psychological Benefits:

Greater Emotional Resilience: Monks develop the ability to stay present with suffering without being overwhelmed, which allows them to process emotions more effectively.
Decreased Anxiety and Depression: Compassion meditation has been shown to lower symptoms of anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
Increased Feelings of Love and Connection: Regular practice fosters a deep sense of connection to others, reducing loneliness and promoting altruism.

Physical Benefits:

Lower Stress Levels: Compassion meditation reduces cortisol (the stress hormone), leading to lower blood pressure and a stronger immune system.
Slower Aging: Studies suggest that monks who practice compassion meditation have longer telomeres, which are linked to slower biological aging.
Pain Reduction: Compassion practice increases pain tolerance and decreases the perception of physical discomfort.

Spiritual & Existential Benefits:

Greater Sense of Meaning and Purpose: Many monks report that deep compassion brings a profound sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Dissolution of the Ego: Compassion meditation helps practitioners transcend self-centered thinking, fostering a sense of unity with all beings.
Expanded Awareness & Presence: As compassion deepens, monks experience a state of profound inner peace, presence, and unconditional love.

In essence, monks who meditate on compassion not only cultivate deep personal well-being but also radiate kindness and healing to those around them.

Being Seen, Heard, and Loved—The Essence of Compassion

When we are truly seen, heard, and loved—both in our pain and despite it—we begin to heal.

Healing isn’t about fixing ourselves or changing the past. It’s about allowing our pain to be acknowledged and met with love.

Compassion doesn’t try to rush us out of our suffering. It gets down on the ground with us, in the depths of our darkness, and says:

"I see you. I know how you feel. Take all the time you need. And when you’re ready, I’m here to help you up."

Most people struggle with doing both.

Some can sit with us in our pain, but they become overwhelmed by it, getting lost in their own suffering. They don’t know how to help us rise.

Others try to pull us up, but from a distance—offering advice or encouragement from a place that feels detached, even superior. Their support doesn’t land because it doesn’t help us feel truly seen.

Compassion is different. It meets us where we are, fully embracing our human struggles while also calling us toward healing. It is both presence and action, allowing our pain while gently guiding us back to love.

Research overwhelmingly supports compassion’s key role in healing. In exploring the latest studies, I found more than 300 articles showing how compassion helps rewire the brain—shifting us from a state of “fight or flight” back to balance, connection, and love. Reference: Compassion Heals

But the most powerful evidence I’ve ever found? My own experience.

When I learned to fully feel my pain while also offering myself deep compassion, something shifted. I felt lighter. Life began to open up.

The proof has always been in the pudding—and your proof will be in yours.

Trust That You Already Know How to Heal with Compassion

Healing is much like a parent's unconditional love.

When we’re little and lose something we love, we instinctively run to someone who cares—a parent, a caregiver—for comfort. That loving hug is healing. It gives us the two things we need to process pain in a way that doesn’t leave us fearful, disconnected, or hesitant to trust life again.

That hug does two essential things:

It allows us to express our pain. We’re free to cry, to share our feelings, to be fully seen in our sadness.
It reassures us that we are still loved. Even in our big emotions, even in our neediness, we are held with warmth and acceptance.

Just as mothers are not given a manual on how to mother, you don’t need a guidebook to know this truth: Your love is healing. Trust that.

Now, let’s explore how to allow compassion to support us in feeling, grieving, and healing.

Experience 5 • Allowing Self-Compassion

Use my words below as guide posts, and go more for the heart of the exercise, rather than following the details.

<aside> 💜

Estimated Time Required:

20 – 30 minutes +

You Will Need:

Your Self-Healing Book. Writing down your answers to all questions below will support you in gaining greater awareness and experience.
If you’ve set up your Self-Healing Sanctuary from Week 1 [Experience] Book & Space great. If not just do this wherever you can relax and disconnect from the world. </aside>

Set a Clear Healing Intention
- Write a positive intention for your healing at the top of your page. Be sure to include the phrase “for the Highest Good.” This helps guide your consciousness toward healing.
- If you have religious or spiritual beliefs, ask for support from your higher powers. This could be a prayer or a meditation that helps you connect with your inner guidance.
- For example, when I’m in a hurry, I write something simple like: "Intention – to clear as much as I can for the highest good."
- When I have more time and energy, I might write something like: "Intention – I am here to clear, release, and lift as much karma, trauma, negativity, and negative patterns as I can for the highest good. I am here to release the sadness and pain in my heart. I am here to experience as much joy, meaning, hope, and relief as I can. I am here to feel as good as possible."
- ALSO include some expansive intention towards self-compassion. It could be something like: “I am open to deepening my capacity for self-compassion” or “I am experiencing more self-compassion than I ever have before.”
Somatic Breathing to Ground in the Body
- Close your eyes and take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your lungs completely. Hold for a moment, then exhale slowly through your mouth.
- Repeat this a few times. With each exhale, release any tension, and with each inhale, invite in softness. Allow your body to settle into the present moment. Turn your awareness inward.
- Take note:
  - On a scale of 1-10, how relaxed do you feel? (1 = complete peace, 10 = high stress)
  - What sensations are you aware of in your body, especially around your chest, heart, and belly? Do you feel tightness, tension, or heaviness?
  - Write down any distractions that come to mind, like "pressure to get back to work" or "thinking I’m not doing this right." Acknowledge these distractions so you can let them go.
Accessing Natural Compassion for Others
- Think of someone or something you naturally feel deep compassion for—maybe the pet you’re grieving, a beloved family member, or a close friend. Write down their name.
- Now close your eyes and picture them in your mind. Recall a time when they needed comfort or were struggling. Notice how you feel in your body when you remember them. Write down the best word or words to describe how you feel (e.g., "sad," "worried," "helpless").
- Reflect on your energy. Is it soft, warm, and supportive, or critical and judgmental? On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is complete compassion (e.g., "I love them unconditionally, and I offer full support"), and 10 is complete criticism (e.g., "I blame them for their situation").
- Take note: Write down any insights. You might notice, "My sadness softened, and I felt a lot of love," or "I couldn’t connect with my feelings, just thoughts."
Acknowledging Resistance to Self-Compassion
Strengthening Our Muscles of Self-Compassion
Complete with Deep Clearing Breathing
Thank and Reward Yourself Thank yourself for having the courage to dive in so deeply. Genuinely say ‘thank you’ to yourself for completing this experience, and ask yourself what reward would feel self-honoring and empowering?! And now go treat yourself with what feels supportive and celebratory.

Amazing ❤️‍🔥 That’s Week 5 Complete 🏆 🎉 😁 🙌

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