Chapter 1 • Grief Invites Us into Our Gifts & Our Greatness

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Our greatest adversity ignites our greatest gifts. In my darkest moments, I discovered how bright and powerful I really am. And you will too.

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Grief is the Worst. And It’s Our Greatest Gift.

“Losing” someone you love more than anything… it doesn’t get darker or harder than that. At least, not for me.

When Mum died of ovarian cancer when I was fourteen, it shattered me. That grief, raw, overwhelming, and far too big for a child to hold, was the first great loss of my life. And at the time, I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know how to unpack it. So I did what so many of us do: I pushed it down and tried to survive.

For nearly two decades, that unprocessed grief lived inside me, shaping my choices and fueling unhealthy patterns. But in my early thirties, I finally found the courage to face it. By allowing myself to grieve, to feel, and to heal, I released so much of the pain I had carried. And through that process, my life transformed. I discovered healthy relationships, fulfilling work, and a sense of inner peace I had never known before.

And then came Ellie.

Falling in love with a profoundly disabled, sweet, and sassy puppy, caring for her night and day for two months and two days, and then holding her as she was euthanized just days before her half-birthday… cracked me open in ways I never expected. I had already done so much grief work, and spent my days supporting others in healing their own grief and trauma. I thought I understood what it meant to heal. But in saying goodbye to Ellie’s fur body, she helped me find a missing piece of myself I hadn’t even known was gone, a piece I now believe our animals come into our lives to help us remember and reclaim.

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My experiences of grief, first with Mum, and then with Ellie, have been both the worst and the greatest experiences of my life. They’ve taken me to the darkest edges of my consciousness and invited me to discover just how bright, bold, and brave my Light and loving nature truly are. For years, grief triggered dysfunction and addiction in my life. But eventually, it became the springboard for my greatest healing, teaching me how to release the patterns that once kept me trapped. Nothing else in life has stretched me, taught me, or brought me closer to beauty and joy the way grief has. It invites me into deeper connection with others. It awakens my inner wisdom. And it gives me the courage to trust my intuition and co-create a life I love.

Pet Grief is Grief

While pet grief is grief, “losing” a beloved animal carries its own unique experience. Because animals are so pure, so innocent, losing them can feel like losing a part of yourself, the best part. It can seem as though the source of your joy and connection has disappeared.

I believe our connection with the animal kingdom is sacred. Animals are not here just for us to own, use, or control.

I believe:

animals are sentient beings who help us awaken to our true nature of unconditional love.

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Like Jane Goodall, I believe many animals are not only sentient but sapient, beings of intelligence, wisdom, and presence. Just because they don’t speak our language or mirror our human priorities doesn’t mean they aren’t here with profound messages and meaningful purpose. Our animals teach us so much while they’re here. But I believe that once they’ve crossed over, their purpose becomes even clearer. On the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, their guidance becomes even more powerful, an ever-present whisper leading us home to ourselves.

Pet Grief Can Hit Us Harder

Pet grief can hit us harder, and often be more complex to recover from, than many people realize. Neuroscience and psychology confirm: the grief of “losing” a pet, especially a dog, can be as intense or even more intense than losing a human loved one. References: Pet Loss and the Depth of Emotional Pain.

We often hear about how unconditionally loving dogs are, for example, but we don’t talk enough about how unconditionally loving dog parents are. Our love for animals expands us in ways we can’t yet fully comprehend, it softens us, stretches us, and opens us to the deeper truth of who we really are. The bond between humans and animals is profoundly unique. It’s built on unconditional, nonverbal, judgment-free connection. There’s no ego, no criticism, no hidden agenda, just presence, loyalty, and love. While this truth isn’t yet fully understood, my experience (and what I’ve witnessed in countless clients) has shown me something remarkable: through their unconditional love, they invite us into our own. Their capacity to love all of us, our light and our shadow, our joy and our pain, awakens our own ability to love without condition.

Relationships like these, grounded in unconditional love and free from many of the ego dynamics that complicate human bonds, create deeply embedded emotional pathways in the brain, shaped through consistency, trust, and safety. Because of the unconditional nature of our connection with animals, their loss can impact the brain in ways that differ from losing a human loved one. This may be part of why pet loss can feel so disorienting, raw, and all-consuming.

Grief isn’t just emotional, it’s neurological. An fMRI study found that individuals with complicated grief showed heightened activity in key emotional centers of the brain (specifically the amygdala, hypothalamus, and anterior cingulate cortex) when viewing death-related images. These regions are involved in emotional regulation, memory, and stress response.

In plain terms:

pet grief doesn’t just break your heart—it changes your brain.

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So if the loss of your beloved animal has shaken you more deeply than you expected, please know this: you’re not broken. You’re human. And your nervous system is responding exactly as it was designed to, because love that deep, that unconditional, leaves a real imprint. It’s easy to think this pain means something’s wrong, but it’s not here to harm you. Pet grief isn’t meant to destroy us, it’s meant to free us. To awaken us. The heartbreak of grieving a beloved animal can become a sacred threshold—a doorway into deeper healing, self-understanding, and transformation.

They don’t leave a hole, they leave openness and space. A yearning that calls us into our gifts and into deeper expressions of love, which is the very reason we’re here on Earth. For many of us, these gifts include a heightened ability to communicate with and be supported by the animal kingdom. So many of us can feel that animals are here for far greater reasons than to be owned, exploited, or eaten. And while I don’t have scientific proof of this, only my own spiritual experience, I believe animals are here to guide us toward compassion and loving, and to help power us, like living batteries, as we learn to source our own life-force from within.

So yes, pet grief can hit harder. And while much of the world may not understand or validate this, trust yourself. Show up for your grief the way you deserve to, courageously.

The Pain of Grief Helps Us Find Our Path and Purpose

This book is about embracing the deep pain of “losing” a beloved animal, and learning how to love and care for ourselves through it. It’s not just about getting through grief; it’s about tending to it, being with it, and allowing it to shape us with love.

After a car accident, we don’t rush back to work as if nothing happened. We give our physical body time, care, and support to heal. In the same way, our emotional, psychological, and neurological bodies need time, care, and loving attention when someone we love dies. While grief may not leave visible scars, neuroimaging studies confirm that the loss of a loved one creates measurable changes in the brain. But when we consciously show up to love, care for, and tend to our grief, we don’t just heal the negative effects, we can actually rewire the brain and reshape our beliefs in powerful, life-affirming ways.

Through my own journey, and through the stories of many clients, I’ve seen that when we have the courage to truly feel the pain and complexity of pet grief, rather than avoid or suppress it, something extraordinary happens. We awaken to what we truly need, what our Huge Heart and Soul have been asking for all along. We begin to see the path toward joy, fulfillment, and healing. In time, we start to glimpse the deeper rhyme and reason, the divine design of life. We awaken to clarity and emotional maturity, to a renewed enthusiasm and optimism: the kind of energy we see so naturally in animals but often lose touch with as we grow older.

As we embrace our pain and care for ourselves we can’t help but awaken to a deeper, truer, and more authentic life.

Love and Grief Don’t Follow Logic—But They Lead Us Home

Bringing Ellie home made no logical sense. My life was already overwhelming, I had family visiting for months, and I was stretched too thin. Taking on another special-needs animal, especially one with such a severe neurological condition, seemed impossible. But my intuition told me otherwise.

The healing work I’d done through grieving Mum shaped that intuition. If I hadn’t faced that grief in my thirties, I wouldn’t have the clarity and courage I have today. That deep inner knowing guided me to choose love, even when it felt impossible. And while following that voice isn’t always easy, I know it leads to miracles and magic.

Everyone told me not to bring Ellie home. Everyone.

And the story I’m about to share isn’t an easy one. But it’s been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, one I wouldn’t trade for anything. Caring for Ellie pushed me to my limits, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Every day, I physically guided her to walk, eat, go to the bathroom and play. And we would take her around the neighborhood in her stroller too. Even something as small as holding a teething toy was a challenge for her, so I’d lie beside her, gently helping her keep it in her mouth as she chewed through the pain.

Sometimes, when we’re called to do the impossible, we discover superhuman reserves of love and courage. Ellie broke me open into a devotion I had never known before. I knew this journey would be hard, but I never imagined how much it would ask of me, or how much it would give in return. Most of all, Ellie came to help me find a missing piece in me. She came to help me find my voice. To lead me home to the bigness of my courage. To remind me, every day, to keep showing up, keep sharing, keep serving. And she’s still here, guiding me with that exact blend of sass and sweetness I loved so much.

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When a Beloved Animal Passes, We Face a Choice

Avoiding grief may seem easier, but it quietly closes us off from love and life. Emotional suppression doesn’t just numb pain, it limits our capacity for love, connection, and healing, see References: Suppressing Emotion Closes the Heart and Hinders Connection.

When Mum died, I didn’t know how to process the pain. Without the love and support I needed, I unknowingly began closing off parts of my heart. For the next two decades, I numbed myself with bulimia, workaholism, and obsessing over men who didn’t love me back.

It sounds cliché, but just a couple of years after finally consciously choosing to grieve Mum’s death, at thirty-three, everything changed. I found love, built my career, and discovered a deep sense of emotional freedom and fulfillment.

My greatest wish is that this book helps you choose to keep your heart open. And yes, if you do, it will hurt, and it will break. Grieving is, in many ways, the heart breaking open, not a breaking that ruins you, but one that expands you, making room for more love than you imagined. The guided experiences, one or more at the end of each chapter, are here to hold your hand through grief so your heart can open wider, to more love, life, joy, and beauty.

It’s Never Too Late

The opportunity to grieve with intention never expires. It’s never too late to honor your grief, reconnect with your loved ones, and open your heart to deeper connections, with yourself and with others. Even when it’s hard to understand the timing of these things, why certain detours or delays happen, I believe there is always purpose. There is no rush. No urgency to unpack your grief before you’re ready. But your heart will keep nudging you. Emotional pain is its way of calling you back, to connect, to heal, to listen.

So let go of the pressure. The guided experiences in this book will help you move through this journey at the pace that’s right for you. Because you are like nature. You are nature. And your healing will unfold the way nature always does — quietly, steadily, and with an innate pull toward wholeness.

Sacred Space for Grieving and Healing

Two of the greatest obstacles I’ve seen that block people from fully grieving and healing are:

1. The inability to prioritize one’s self—our time, our needs, our pain.

2. An aversion to vulnerability—the discomfort of being emotionally exposed.

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In my experience, women tend to struggle more with the first, and men more with the second. But truthfully, we all wrestle with some mix of both. Many of us didn’t learn effective practices of self-care and self-compassion because our parents didn’t model them. Now it’s up to us to change the cycle. We must learn to fill ourselves up, become aware of our feelings and needs, and prioritize tending to both, so we can show up as whole, healthy, loving humans.

Research shows that when we ignore our own needs and attempt to care for others while depleted, resentment is inevitable. Consider your grief, then, a profound invitation to finally develop the habits of self-care and self-compassion that will allow you to take better care of your world.

Pet grief can hit us harder—and often be more complex to recover from—than many people realize. Recent research in neuroscience and psychology confirms what so many of us intuitively know: losing a beloved pet can, in some cases, impact us more profoundly than losing a human loved one. Not because we cared more for our animal than for the people in our lives, but because of how we loved them—and how they loved us.

The bond between humans and animals—especially dogs—is unique. It’s built on a foundation of unconditional, nonverbal, judgment-free connection. This kind of attachment activates deeply embedded emotional pathways in the brain, which are shaped through consistency, safety, and trust. According to a 2018 article from Neuroscience News, this level of bonding actually rewires the brain differently than human relationships, potentially making the emotional impact of loss even more intense and disorienting (The Conversation, 2018).

In fact, emerging psychological research also shows that the strength of our attachment to a pet directly correlates with the level of separation pain we experience after their death. A 2022 study by Park and Jeong found that pet loss often triggers deep emotional distress—yet it also carries the potential for post-traumatic growth. Their research highlights that when pet guardians engage in adaptive emotion regulation strategies—such as mindful reflection, positive reappraisal, and acceptance—they are more likely to experience healing and even personal transformation in the wake of loss. Conversely, maladaptive strategies like suppression, rumination, or self-blame can deepen distress and hinder recovery (Park & Jeong, 2022).

In other words, our grief doesn’t have to define us—it can refine us. The heartbreak of losing a pet can become a sacred threshold into deeper healing, self-understanding, and growth. Because while their physical presence may be gone, what they awakened in us—the parts of ourselves we discovered in their love—doesn’t disappear. They don’t just leave a hole. They leave a gift. A calling. An invitation to become more of who we truly are.

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