Chapter 8 • They Are the Best In Us: Receiving Our Innate Connection

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Dogs are the physical embodiment of unconditional love.

In life, they help us feel what Love truly is, and when they cross the Rainbow Bridge, they awaken us to the Love that we are.

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Ellie Helped Me Find My Courage and My Compassion

I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved Ellie. There were many reasons for this, but two in particular.

The first came through her neurological disease. Because of the pain and fear she felt, Ellie often growled at me. At first it was painful and confusing, and without my mentor Carol Neil from Soul 2 Soul Dog, the end of this story might have been very different. She helped me see: It’s not about you. A growl simply means, I’m not okay right now. That realization shifted so much for me.

As I began to feel more comfortable in her discomfort, and began to feel more neutral when she would growl and be aggressive, I found a deeper level of compassion and caring that began to transform the entire way I saw the world. And while I had already had this perspective of human psychology, that hurt humans hurt humans, I finally began to see the truth beneath negative behavior: I’m not okay right now. Ellie gave me an embodied, lived experience that upgraded both my head and my heart for the better.

The second reason came through the sheer amount of care Ellie required. For two months and two days, my entire life revolved around her. I held her up to eat, to pee, to poop. I helped her wobble across the room, catching her again and again when she fell, and feeling the pain in my heart in the moments when I didn’t. I poured my energy into every ounce of her well-being. I had never been so fully invested in another being, both in time and in the intensity of my love. It stretched me to my edges. And while so much of that felt like pure survival, it was only later, in the aching absence of her 24/7 presence, that I began to see her power more clearly. Only then could I feel the honor and privilege it had been to walk beside her.

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Through it all, Ellie called forth courage I didn’t know I had and compassion deeper than I thought possible. I was in awe of her own courage, how she would fall a hundred times in a row and still keep trying to rise. And I was touched by her sweetness, how after every nap, she’d wriggle with joy, overflowing with delight just to see me again.

Ellie showed me that courage and compassion aren’t abstract virtues; they’re muscles built in the hardest moments. They live in us when we choose to keep showing up, to keep loving, even when it’s messy, exhausting, or heartbreaking. She mirrored me back to myself, and in doing so, helped me reclaim the best of who I am.

This is the profound gift our animals give us. They don’t just receive our love, they help us remember the Love that we are. They awaken our courage, they deepen our compassion, and they return us to the qualities of our hearts we may have forgotten were always there.

Our Rainbow Ones Help Us Find the Best in Us

“Losing” a beloved animal can feel like losing everything. It can feel as if the sun has left the sky, as though the one thing that made life make sense is suddenly gone, leaving us in the dark.

I remember sitting on the floor after Ellie passed, holding her toys and sobbing. I felt hopeless, lost, and alone. And I wasn’t just missing her, I was missing us. I missed the me who existed because of her: the way I came alive when she looked at me, the magic in my heart during our moments together, and the parts of me that seemed to exist only because she saw them.

When we lose a beloved animal, it can feel as though the very source of our Love and Light has been taken from us. That’s the heartbreak of grievealing, the way the world suddenly feels dim and colorless. But here’s the question I want to gently explore with you in this chapter:

What if what you loved most about them… was actually what they reawakened in you?

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What if the qualities you saw in them, their loyalty, presence, gentleness, or playfulness, weren’t just theirs? What if you could recognize and love those traits so deeply only because they were already alive in you? And what if, as you begin to claim and embody those same qualities, it becomes easier to stay connected to them too?

Positive Projection

This is the heart of Positive Projection. And no, it’s not about pretending everything’s okay or sugarcoating your grief. It’s about recognizing the truth that every Soul we love reflects something back to us.

I don’t guide clients into this experience UNTIL they’ve in some way allowed an authentic experience of their heart break. But this experience parallels and complements the deeper emotional work very well, and helps us as we endeavor to reconnect with our beloved animal as fully as we can.

Grief often makes us feel like everything beautiful died with them. But the truth is, what you saw in them was real, and it lives on inside you. And as you learn to see this, feel this, experience this, something beautiful happens: You begin to reconnect with the love you thought you lost. You begin to realize that they were never the source—Love itself was the source. And they were your perfect, magical mirror for it.

Let’s slow down for a second. Think about your beloved animal. What did you love most about them? Was it how they greeted you at the door like you were the most important person in the world? Was it how they curled up next to you, sensing your sadness even before you knew it yourself? Was it their goofy grin? Their wild zoomies? Their ability to make you laugh when everything else felt hard?

Take a moment. Really reflect. And then gently ask yourself: What did that quality bring out in me? When they were playful, did it help you loosen up? When they were brave, did you feel stronger just by being around them? When they adored you unconditionally, did you finally feel worthy? Safe? Enough?

This is the profound gift of animals. They call forth the parts of us that may have been buried under trauma, conditioning, or self-doubt. They help us remember who we are. Even after they’ve passed physically.

Love Is Never Lost

When Mum died, I lost my sense of being loved, seen, and safe. I didn’t have the tools to grieve her consciously, so instead, I disconnected, from my feelings, my needs, my truth. To survive, I turned to anything that helped me not feel: food, fantasy, toxic relationships. Anything to fill the gap.

I couldn’t see it then, but I had made Mum the source of my worth and the source of my love. And when she died, I believed, deep down, that those things had died too. Somehow, even though I knew it didn’t make sense, I felt that because she was no longer here loving me, I wasn’t worthy of being loved. That because she had left, I wasn’t worth staying around for.

It wasn’t until decades later, when I began truly grievealing her passing, that I saw clearly: she wasn’t the source of my Love. She was my mirror. And the true source of love had always been within me. And so it is for you.

Why Positive Projection Works

It’s a spiritual and psychological truth that you can’t perceive something clearly in someone else unless that quality also lives inside you. So when you think about your beloved animal, their loyalty, courage, gentleness, joy, this exercise will help you trace that love back to its source.

It’s never been outside you. You’re the one who recognized it. You’re the one who feels it so strongly. It’s a part of your own spiritual blueprint. It’s yours. And this process will help you claim it.

I’m Not Sure I’ll Ever Shine Brighter Than When I’m Loving My Dogs

When I think about how I showed up for Ellie, I’m honestly in awe of myself. And when I think about how I care for Fenix, I feel so proud of who I am. There’s something about animals, their purity and presence, that calls forward our highest self. They bring out the part of us that is devoted, tender, patient, and full of love.

With Ellie, I tapped into a level of hope and faith I didn’t know I had, a kind of strength that now burns brighter in every area of my life. She helped me believe that even the most impossible situations aren’t truly impossible. I know that might sound strange, because from a physical-world perspective, Ellie didn’t “make it.” But that’s the sacred paradox: from a higher perspective, she absolutely did.

We don’t get to control the moment our loved ones cross the Rainbow Bridge. But we do get to shape the relationship we have with them. And that connection doesn’t end with death, it continues, evolves and deepens. The fact that I was able to show up so fully for Ellie during her two short months on Earth, and that she now shows up for me every day of my life, is not just beautiful. It’s sacred. And it has changed me and my life forever.

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