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We all want to feel okay. We want to seem strong, like we have it all together. That’s completely normal.
But what if falling apart is just as important as keeping it together? What if letting ourselves feel deeply is part of healing, not a sign that something is wrong?
Grief has a way of shaking us, waking us up to what truly matters. I know that might sound a little intense, maybe even impossible to believe when you’re hurting. But grief isn’t just about pain—it’s also about love. It’s about finding your way back to yourself in a deeper, more honest way.
When we allow ourselves to grieve, really grieve, we aren’t just saying goodbye to the past. We’re opening ourselves up to more love, more connection, and more life. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.
And it all starts with being willing to be vulnerable. Letting ourselves feel. Letting ourselves be shaken. Because in that shaking, we find what truly matters.
Healing requires something that can feel really uncomfortable—vulnerability. It means letting go of control, allowing ourselves to feel, and actually expressing what’s in our hearts. And let’s be honest—that’s not always easy.
Most of us, in one way or another, try to hold on to control. We want to keep it together, to appear strong. But have you ever noticed how freely children express their emotions? They cry when they’re sad, laugh when they’re happy, and don’t second-guess their feelings. As we grow up, we learn to guard ourselves, to protect our hearts from pain.
“Vulnerability is necessary for growth, without vulnerability there is no growth.” — Dr. Gabor Maté
Being vulnerable isn’t just about grief—it’s about life.
Dr. Brené Brown reminds us that without vulnerability, we can’t truly experience love, belonging, or joy. And when we shut out the painful emotions, we also shut out the good ones.
Over time, we build emotional armor—walls meant to keep us safe but that often leave us feeling isolated, stuck, or numb. That armor can show up as avoidance, anger, or even pushing away the very love we need.
This book is here to help you navigate your grief with gentleness. To guide you, step by step, in feeling your emotions, embracing your healing, and opening your heart again. And through it all, your Rainbow One will be with you—reminding you that love, even in loss, never truly leaves.
Grief shakes us. It pulls us apart in ways we never expected, making us feel lost, vulnerable, and raw. But if we allow ourselves to fully grieve—to surrender to the depth of our loss rather than resist it—something surprising happens.
We awaken something unshakable within us.
Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön describes this beautifully:
“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.”
PEMA CHÖDRÖN
Grief has a way of breaking us open. But in that breaking, we uncover the deepest parts of ourselves—love, compassion, and a strength we may not have realized was there.
I’ve learned this firsthand. Every time I have truly allowed myself to grieve, to let go of control and feel everything fully, I’ve discovered something powerful. Old wounds have healed. Limiting beliefs have loosened their grip. And on the other side of that pain, I’ve found more love, more joy, and more freedom than I ever thought possible.
For years, I only fell in love with men who were never going to love me back. Again and again, I found myself drawn to people who couldn’t truly see me, who weren’t capable of offering the love I so deeply craved. It wasn’t an accident—it was a pattern. And it wasn’t until I faced the grief beneath it, the loss and heartbreak I had carried since childhood, that I understood why. I had been unconsciously recreating an old wound, searching for love in places it was never going to be.
That grief was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face. But facing it set me free.
Grief is painful. It asks us to face the unthinkable—that someone we love is no longer here in the way we once knew them. But it also carries the promise of renewal.
Like the legendary phoenix, we are meant to rise from the ashes. But first, we must go through the fire—the fire of letting go, of accepting, of feeling it all. It’s not easy, but on the other side, there is something new. Something whole. Something unbreakable.
Letting go can feel impossible. After all, they’re already gone. Their physical body is no longer here. So why do we still hold on so tightly?
Because it’s human nature. Our hearts, minds, and nervous systems cling to what we love, trying to protect us from the unbearable pain of truly accepting their absence.
Grieving starts with facing this truth: their soft, warm, beloved body is gone. The way we once knew and felt them—their paws on the floor, their breath on our cheek, their presence beside us—is no longer the same.
And yet, as your heart already knows (and as this book will guide you to experience more deeply), they are never truly gone. Their love, their essence, and your unbreakable bond remain. But before we can fully reconnect with them in this new way, we must allow ourselves to feel the pain of their absence. That pain is real, raw, and undeniable. And learning to embrace it is where healing begins.
It may seem easier to skip past the pain and go straight to reconnecting with their spirit. But in my experience, that rarely works.
When we’re in deep grief, trying to force a sense of peace or connection can feel hollow. It’s like trying to paint over a cracked wall—the foundation isn’t ready. Our loss isn’t just emotional; it’s physical. Our brain and nervous system experience it as real trauma. And healing can only happen as we allow ourselves the sacred time we need to release the pain, and be open to reconnection authentically.
Imagine someone accidentally steps hard on your foot. Your instinctive reaction might be to exclaim, "Ouch!" or say, "Hey, that hurt!" But if you suppress that response and pretend you’re fine, the pain doesn’t just vanish—it lingers, unacknowledged and unresolved. More than that, it creates an energetic imbalance within you. When we deny our natural, authentic emotional experience, we abandon ourselves in a fundamental way. And if we do this repeatedly, we begin to feel a quiet resentment, a growing sense of disconnection—not just from ourselves, but from the world around us.
Grief is the same. If we try to suppress it—telling ourselves we “should” be okay or that we “should” focus on the happy memories—we only bury our pain deeper. And when we ignore our feelings, they don’t go away. They just get stuck, draining our energy and weighing us down.
But if we allow ourselves to feel—to grieve openly, to say, This hurts. I miss them so much.—then we honor our love. We make space for healing. And in time, we create room for a new kind of connection with them—one that isn’t tied to their physical presence but to the love that never leaves us.
If you have a spiritual or religious belief, you might tell yourself, They’re in a better place. We’re still connected. They’re with ‘so and so’ now. And while that may be true, if we don’t also allow ourselves to feel the human pain of missing them, that belief remains distant—something we think rather than something we truly experience.
I know this because I’ve been there.
In my twenties, I thought I had made peace with my mother’s passing. I would have told you she was in a better place, that I had accepted it. But deep down, I avoided any conversation about death, family, or mothers. The truth was, I hadn’t processed my grief—I had just learned how to push it aside and cover it up with some familiar, spiritual sayings. And no matter how much I tried to convince myself I was fine, my body, emotions, and nervous system told a different story.
Real healing didn’t begin until I gave myself permission to grieve. Until I stopped trying to “be okay” and instead let myself feel everything I had been holding back for so long.
The same is true for you. Your heart needs time. Give yourself that gift.
For those of us who are deeply sensitive and empathic, feeling pain comes naturally. We don’t try to suppress it—we sink into it. Sometimes, we even hold onto it as a way of proving how much we loved them.
But grief isn’t meant to be a punishment. It’s not something we “owe” our loved ones. And if we only feel our pain without meeting it with love and compassion, we risk getting stuck in it instead of moving through it.
Sensitive souls also tend to experience deep guilt after loss. Even when we know it wasn’t our fault, emotions don’t always listen to logic. That guilt can feel overwhelming, sometimes even obsessive. But healing doesn’t come from punishing ourselves. It comes from loving ourselves enough to grieve with kindness. And we will soon discover that forgiveness plays a key role in finding love and connection again.
The brain is incredible in how it processes love and loss. Even after someone is gone, our brain still holds them close—remembering exactly how they would look at us, how they would react, how they made us feel.
Mary-Frances O’Connor, author of The Grieving Brain, explains it beautifully:
“You have lost in the physical world, no doubt about it, and you’re not going to have new experiences with their ‘body.’ But your brain has not actually lost them. You still carry around exactly how they would respond if you asked them for advice, or the exact way they would look at you if you did something ridiculous. Our brain really is still carrying them—because we loved them.” DR MARY-FRANCES O’CONNOR
Science may not explain everything, but love does.
Our bond with them doesn’t vanish. Yes, our bodies can be separated, but we are never truly apart. Because love—real, deep, soul-level love—doesn’t disappear.
Grief isn’t something we think our way through. It’s something we feel—and feeling happens in the body, not in the mind.
If we stay stuck in our heads, analyzing, overthinking, or distracting ourselves, we disconnect from the very part of us that needs to heal. The key to moving through grief isn’t to avoid it—it’s to be in our body, to allow ourselves to feel, and to release what needs to be released.
This is the heart of somatic healing—learning to shift our focus from our racing thoughts into the sensations and emotions held in our body. And the more we practice this, the more we begin to free ourselves.
Because healing isn’t about forgetting them. It’s about learning how to carry their love in a way that brings us peace instead of pain.
Ellie, my Rainbow daughter, came into my life as a tiny, neurologically disabled puppy. For two months and two days, my world revolved around her. It was exhausting and often heartbreaking, but also one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but Ellie wasn’t just here for healing—she was here to help me heal.
Watching her struggle stirred something deep inside me, something I didn’t understand at first. One day, after holding in my emotions for too long, I collapsed on the couch in tears. And as I let the grief flood through me, memories from my own childhood surfaced—memories of feeling trapped, helpless, and unseen.
Ellie’s struggles weren’t just hers. They mirrored a wound inside me that had been waiting to heal.
She led me to parts of my past I had buried, helping me release pain I didn’t even know I was still carrying.
Your Rainbow Ones have done the same for you.
They didn’t just come into your life to be loved—they came to wake you up.
And they are still here, guiding you toward healing.
But before you can fully feel their presence in this new way, you must first allow yourself to grieve.
Let yourself be shaken. Let yourself let go. And most of all—let yourself feel.
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